oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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