i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
