i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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