I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
