I think I died a long time ago.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
