I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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