Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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