at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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