My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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