i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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