If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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