Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Your cock deserves a montage
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
