Whod you bang
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
