I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
