Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
