Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
