I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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