just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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