remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
