i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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