I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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