God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
