why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
