Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
