My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
