I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
