Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
