Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
