Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
