I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
