i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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