how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
