Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
