Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
