Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
