Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
