Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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