i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
