I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
