I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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