I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
