I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This is my gift to your gina
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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