I'm so fucking centered right now
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
