I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
