i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
