The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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