did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I checked into jail on foursquare
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
