he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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