How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
