I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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