the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
