Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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