I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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